Sam Fucking Winchester

I have come to realise through interactions on social media that Sam is quite the polarising character. I think that's mostly because people view +Jared Padalecki as this cuddly giant bear/baby known as Moose; and then there's Sam. And people tend to character bleed them into each other.
Sam is a bit of a sociopathic, amoral, borderline psychopathic blood addict. An honest description of him depicts a rather self centred, asshole who plays fast and loose with everyone who loves him especially his brother. It's a testament to brilliant writing and acting that even if all these things are true, we (the fans) still like Sam. The problem comes in when someone tries to deny that Sam is all these things by creating excuses for his behaviour. Like...he only got addicted to demon blood because yada yada yada.
I'll tell you why Sam got addicted to demon blood. It was because his moral compass was not around. See, on his own, Sam is a hot mess. But when he has Dean, he has a lightning rod on which to neutralise all his crazy and make him into the best version of himself. And the best version of himself is an extremely brave compassionate individual ready to go to the most extreme extremes for the people (person) he loves. He would really absolutely do anything for his brother. Anything.
But when he and his brother are separated and he is left to make his own choices; he tends to choose wrong. like100 % of the time.That's the level of their codependency.
When Dean is separated from Sam though, even though it is made to seem like he's the gung ho hunter and Sam is the reluctant one...well; Dean stops hunting when he Sam is dead/in hell. The first time Sam died, Dean was like fuck you Bobby, I'm out. The second time Sam died, Dean shacked up with Lisa. It's a weird thing considering the impression was that Sam was only hunting for Dean's sake. While I think Dean hunts so that he can keep Sam with him. Primarily.
Just watching Season 8 again, and thinking about the fact that Sam knows that Dean would never let him go. Would never let him die.
First of all, let me address something I read on tumblr about Sam 'justifying' his not looking for Dean because he lost his mind when Dean disappeared. I mean, of course he did. He had completely done this thing where he leans on Dean ever since he got his soul back. Like completely, holding nothing back. And then suddenly Dean's gone. Just. Like. That.
It wasn't hunter heroici which justified Sam. It was him offering to be the 'blood sacrifice' to close the gates of hell. It was him biting that bullet because he let Dean down and he knew it. It was him refusing to not die because he didn't want Dean to say, "You let me down again."
But here's the kicker.
Sam knows Dean.
He knows Dean would never just let him die. Just let him go. He knows that. That's why he asked him in Red Meat what he did when he thought Sam was dead. So knowing that; and having Dean tell him, if you do this you'll die. And him saying, "So?"
Well...
He knew that even if he went through with it, Dean would walk into hell if he had to to get him back. He would do whatever it took, to keep his brother. He knew this.
So what was that?
Mind games?
Sam being Sam?
Whatever it was; Sam knew it wasn't the end. And he got Dean to admit that he was the most important person in Dean's life.
win/win.
People complain that all these things make Sam look bad or whatever. But that's why we watch. We watch because this codependent, twisted up thing the brothers have fascinates all of us. That is the crux of the show. That's why we're all here. Because even with how super crazy they both are, they still manage to have this unconditional love for each other that just keeps surviving all of this...everything. If they were both vanilla little one dimensional politically correct black and white salvatorish brothers, we'd have stopped watching long ago.
So why not just enjoy it while it lasts and stop getting ulcers?

Parallels

So I've been rewatching...as one is wont to do during hellatus. And every time I do this, I am struck by new things; or old things strike me differently.
So I've just finished season six and seven and I think I've been living so long under the funk of season nine that I didn't realise there was a pattern. Season 1-3, Sam and Dean are super-close. So season 4, blood drinking and demon chicks come between them. They claw their way back to a semblance of before by season five's end, and then Sam jumps in the pit and loses his soul. Back to distance which is summarily obliterated by Sam getting his soul back. Half season six and season seven, they are again tighter than tight. So what does Jeremy Carver do? He stops Sam from looking for Dean in season 8. And this time, the supernatural creature who comes between them is Dean's friend Benny.
Why didn't Dean tell Sam about Benny from the jump?
Was it because he'd come to rely on Benny the way he'd used to rely on Sam?
Benny was his new Sam. And Dean knew what a possessive bastard Sam is. So he shut up about it.
Also I don't know why anyone hasn't commented on the fact that the whole 'Amelia' thing was shot in a way depicting a dream sequence; like Sam is the unreliable narrator, remembering things more idyllic than they actually were. And the whole 'Amelia finishes his sentences thing?' I mean really, she used to interrupt him and finish the sentence how she wanted. It was totally different in a way that contrasted sharply with Dean and Sam actually saying the same thing, at the same time.
It's strange. How Supernatural does this thing where they parallel the Sam/Dean relationship to married couples. It's not even subtle. It's like direct correlations.
Except for Benny. And Crowley.
In fact Crowley said it best.
"You're lying to Sam like he's your wife. That makes me your mistress."

Watching Season 4 and 5 After Season 11

Watching season four and five after seeing season eleven is kind of a trip. You see things differently. Like the fact that Chuck (god) led the Winchesters to him. He helped them as much as he could without blowing his cover. It's weird to watch Chuck being this pseudo helpless prophet type person when he's actually moving chess pieces on the board.

It also really increased my already considerable respect for +Eric Kripke . As a writer, I know its really hard to weave things to fit so well, so seamlessly. So well that six years later, you can sort of reprise what happened in a way that fits in today's story and it still fits perfectly. That's genius.
Also for some reason, I'm not mad at Sam this time. Every single time I watch season 4, I get mad at Sam for being such an idjit. But this time, I was able to see things from his perspective. To see that he didn't think of it as betrayal. He really felt like he was carrying his weight, doing something good; plus yeah. Addiction really does turn people into dicks. Seen that live.

Also with all the fandom ambivalence toward Ruby, I was watching her with a more critical eye, wondering if Katie Cassidy might have done it better? Her acting was definitely more subdued or subtle. But not necessarily worse I guess. I don't think Katie Cassidy Ruby would have been believable as Sam's lover. They didn't have that type of chemistry between them in season three.
Dean's despair also hit me in a more immediate way. I got why he wasn't affected by hunger. He was too full of despair. It's like five years of...shit just fell on him, especially when he saw that Sam wasn't cured of his demon blood addiction.

But watching it all, knowing that they do get to a better place makes it all less depressing. I do feel that there is still a lot of story that can be told; I just am afraid that before the stories are finished, +Jared Padalecki or +Jensen Ackles might get tired. I know Jared felt like he didn't want to reach season 12 at some point because he was missing his kids. And now they're contracts cover season 13. On the one hand, I want them to do what makes them happy. On the other hand...story!

Imma pray about this.
(to Chuck or God?)
(Shut up).

Sad, Maudlin Dean Post

So I've been watching season one and two this week and I noticed something I hadn't noticed before; when Dean is poisoned by the Djinn, he goes into this world where his mother is alive...but he disappoints everyone. He's not a good brother to Sam (but Sam still loves him), he's 'a drunk' who worries his mother and his girlfriend. His father is still dead. Everyone in his dream world is depicted to be better than him. He's still the screw up of the family. Also in his mind, if it wasn't for hunting, he and Sam wouldn't have anything in common. He'd go off and get married to Jess and live the yuppy life while Dean would have a blue collar existence.
It's the fathers. The parents who never give any validation. Who are very quick to tell you exactly how many ways you fucked up. Of course in Dean's case, his mother is dead. And all he has left of her is pie. His father is quick to say; "you disobeyed my orders." He repeats instructions several times and Dean takes it as maybe his dad thinks he's stupid. While Sam had teachers, and Zanna to tell him that he could make it as a student, as something other than a hunter; Dean had none of that. He just had his father treating him like a soldier.
Daddy's little blunt instrument.
And he does his best to shield his brother from all this. He does his best to be the buffer; to be the one to tell Sam - go for it. He intervenes on Sam's behalf. So that Sam doesn't have to only know about being a 'soldier'.
The worst part is that I really feel like they brought Mary Winchester back so that they could have another Winchester to kill.
Permanently.
I don't know how Dean is going to take that.
I feel so sad for him.
It's like he's a real person.

Alpha And Omega

Massive spoilers ahead so if you don't wanna know what happened in the finale, don't read further.

It began with a preview; which was totally misleading FYI. They made us look. Ten seasons of +Supernatural led us to expect that someone (read Sam or Dean) would definitely be temporarily dying in the end. Instead, they blindsided us with a (sort of) happy ending. At least for god and Amara. And Dean. Sam? not so much. He was left thinking that his brother was still dead and plus he got himself shot.
I say got himself because he was confronted by a woman with a gun and he was all, "You won't shoot me". Six foot five guy, with known Jason Bourne fighting skills...coming toward you. Who isn't gonna shoot? Sam is a bright boy. He knew she would shoot. Was this his bid to 'commit suicide' and join his brother? I think so. Like he couldn't even sit down first? have a drink? Just boom; oh look, opportunity to die. let's take it.
Of course she didn't kill him; she probably shot him in the shoulder, or the stomach; or even if she killed him, maybe Billie gave him a pass. I don't know; Andrew Dabb will probably surprise us. Again. I'm here for it!

I was also struck by all of the parallels in this story; Amara telling Chuck that she was contented with just the two of them and was hurt that Chuck wanted more. Reminded me of  Dean being content with just his family and hunting, but Sam wanted more. And she felt rejected by her brother just like Dean felt rejected by Sam so many times. And Amara's anger and Dean's anger, all stemming from hurt. Hurt that their younger siblings don't value them as much as they value their younger siblings.
But it's all in misunderstanding and it turns out, the younger sibling is just as invested in the relationship as the older one. They needed each other just as much.

I also saw that entertainment weekly agreed with me that season eleven is the best season of Supernatural. Of course, it being Supernatural, it's hard to say best because that's a constantly shifting thing. If we're doing overarching story arc, well I'd have to say, season 1-5 has it. Most feel good season at least for me is season eight. Season nine was just.very.traumatic. Season ten was kind of all over the place; the nostalgia season. But for season eleven, every single episode brought it; whether it was about Amara, consequences of Amara's existence or MOTW. I have also loved the love fest between Sam and Dean. I imagine if Jane Bond hadn't shown up, Sam would have gone to his room to look inside his little green box and stare at pictures of Dean, and the samulet both fake and real, and was that Dean's silver ring in there? Then he'd drink himself to a stupor before coming up with a scheme to end his life or bring Dean back.

Speaking of fans...was I speaking of fans?

People are so into these two boys; invested in them as brothers, human beings, possible secret lovers that I think that if Tolpas were a real thing and someone drew the right symbols; the entire Supernatural world would manifest; angels and demons included. The problem is that there are so many conflicting beliefs about them, that it'd be hard for them to manifest in just one way. I saw fans on twitter mad as hell at 'god' for sending Dean as the bomb. Like seriously angry; as if all of this was really happening somewhere out there in an alternate universe where Dean is a member of their family. And then saying stuff like 'Oh god left the earth to the Winchesters so they can continue blaming Sam for everything that happens"....

It's so funny how many times Sam has accused Dean of confusing reality with porn? The fandom is also guilty of confusing fiction with reality. It's kind of scary sad.

Can't wait for season 12!

There's a Demon in You and You're Going To Your Safety School

I really love the way those two things are on par in the 'when bad things happen' on the Kevin Tran scale. Is that racist though? Asian kids care too much about which school they go to? I don't know. Plus it's not my problem.  I don't gotta be PC where I live.

Speaking of PC I'm kinda regretting getting involved in keeping up with fandom shenanigans. +Supernatural crazies are special. In the *rotates finger around temple* kind of way. At least I thought they were until I saw this random post on Instagram, VILIFYING +Ian Somerholder for saying #Delena could never happen because he's married in real life. Like...dude; the chick (or guy) was going on about how disrespectful he is to the fans and other shit that doesn't make any kind of sense if you're sane. It made me feel much better about #destihellers. Crazies apparently latch onto whatever TV show they attach to and start creating fantasies and being very upset with anyone who tries to introduce some reality into their world view. It's just...disconcerting to know that those types of minds exist.

I had some thoughts about the finale that I wanted to put down before the finale.
First thing, Dean killed Death. Death was supposed to 'sooner or later' reap god. Now that Death has been reaped, is there anyone else even qualified to reap god? and if there isn't, does god or +Rob Benedict still die or does he just waste away in some fugue state until the world ends? Same thing with Amara. Can she even be killed?
According to the preview, Rowena makes a bomb and Dean is the suicide bomber. So say he succeeds. Say he blasts himself into tiny liddle pieces, kills off Amara and by extension, himself.
*pause for some deeply wailing*
That means he's saved the world again, and god into the bargain. So even if...Billie the Reaper wants to toss him into the nothingness, Sam has locus standi to negotiate with god for Dean's life...which could be where season 12 could begin.
Kevin Tran's mother was Ross' Girlfriend in Friends!

Been watching #JIBCON videos of +Jensen Ackles on stage.
Sigh.
I just find that I could watch that man all day, on repeat, without getting even a little bit tired. It's not just that he's unbelievably beautiful; it's the capability equally intermingled with shyness. It's the sincerity, the sense of humour, the *I'm just an ordinary guy* mixed with the knowledge that *I'm unbelievably hot*. It's Jensen Ackles man. He draws the eye effortlessly.

It's weird that him and +Jared Padalecki are so close considering that Jared is that guy who likes to be front and centre, everyone's focus, wants to be liked. But I think the Ackles magic works on him too and he's just glad to call this guy a friend. To be part of that dynamic duo.
Not that Jared isn't a great person in his own right. Fo sho he is. And did we all see that epic hug? Jensen holding Jared's head in his hand...I literally can't.

God Hi! It's me. Dean Winchester.

I don't know. I think every time I see Dean Winchester cry, I just wanna fix it. Make it staahhp already.  So last week, when he cried for god asking him "Where the hell have you been man?"...first of all; you know how when someone is dropping some truths on someone else that are kind of uncomfortable but you also kind of want to know what happened as well and you're glad somebody's confronting them? well okay there was that. But then there was this anxiety to start a fund for abandoned children or whatever would make the tears stop.

I could also relate to the whole abandoned by your father of it all...sometimes it feels that way...sometimes I'm mad at God too for taking him. So when god said 'I'm not your father Dean, don't confuse the two of us' I could totally relate.

That was one episode which after it was over you look around for someone who you can say, 'did you see that? I mean shiiite.' Only for me there was no one around me so I had to wait till I could write about it; here.
Sam was cute too in this episode, with the babbling to god about how his prayers must have gotten lost in the spam folder. That one made me laugh out loud. And then Dean told him, "Sam. You're babbling."
And he just like stops. it was just too super cute.

Who else went, "Woo! hey Osric", when they saw Kevin huh? that was a fun moment. Of course Kevin being all nice to Dean was strange as fuck but whatever; and how come he was still in the veil? wasn't heaven reopened for business after Metatron was jailed? There really should be a facebook q and a after every episode for all these matters arising.

Talk about Matters Arising; there was a convention in January this weekend and apparently a lot of people had something to say about Travis Aaron Wade. Seems like he hasn't really been behaving in a sane manner with some fans. allegations of stalking, inappropriate flirting, online bullying, the works. It's awkward because I could have lived without knowing all that about him really; but now I do and it kind of shades my view of everyone. Which is sad. This is the downside of getting too close to fans.You start behaving like a typical male when your fans were expecting better coz you're semi-famous. I mean you look up in admiration to any man and start telling him you love him; he's gonna go there. especially when he's not used to fan adoration. Not saying the fans were wrong; I'm just saying I'm not surprised. Plus he's probably not all right in the head being a vet. I should probably not say that. Anyway, he's had his episodes and what not, so let's just move on from him and hopefully everyone else keeps it cute?