Child of Destiny The Series: Holiday Seasoning

Child of Destiny The Series: Holiday Seasoning:  I'm without work for the next week or so and I'm just taking the time to rest, reset and rejuvenate. Weirdly enough, I've gotte...

All the Wishes Come True

 A fanfic in honor of the November 19th anniversary of Carry On

 

Prologue

“Dean.”

His brother turned around, a look on his face that Sam could not remember ever seeing; so free of worry and stress was it. His eyes crinkled in the corners as he looked at Sam, clearly delighted to see him.

Sam could barely move. He could hardly believe he was finally here. That he was seeing his brother again, in the flesh.

Well…maybe not in the flesh.

Dean reached for him, pulling him in and Sam just melted into his brother. Dean had hugged him many times and he’d felt the safety, the protection, yes, even the love – had known it was there. But this was different. This was like sinking into it, being enveloped and submerged in the essence of Dean’s love. Dean’s love for Sam.

Sam took a deep breath and just…breathed it in.

Finally. I’m home.

 

Chapter One

Sam closed the book he’d been reading and dropped it on the sand by his feet, contemplating the prospect of moving. His stomach rumbled and he looked down at it and then up at the cabin. The outside scenery looked a lot like Rufus’ cabin. The inside though was different. It had floor to ceiling windows and an open verandah area that opened out from the living room whose other three walls were floor to ceiling bookshelves. He could see Dean in the open plan kitchen no doubt making lunch.

He smiled, thinking that his brother was even better at reading his mind here in heaven than he’d been on earth. He looked out at the gently undulating sea and sighed with content. He didn’t know how long they’d stay here; once they left the bridge, they’d just driven, both savoring just being with each other. They didn’t talk much. Just drove and took turns staring at each other as if one might disappear if the other wasn’t vigilant.

Then out of nowhere, they’d come upon the ocean; the one they’d always been promising each other they’d go to.

Bare feet in the sand Sammy. Bare feet in the sand.

Sam laughed quietly to himself, recalling that Dean tended to put more than his bare feet on the sand. Skinny dipping was his new favorite thing it seemed and since the sand effortlessly rolled off those hard to reach places, there was apparently no reason why Dean shouldn’t indulge. He’d take a lap in the infinity pool that had materialized on their second day at this place and then run down to the beach to frolic in the water while Sam shook his head indulgently and made him toast and scrambled eggs for breakfast.

He’d cooked for DJ for most of his son’s life, yet cooking breakfast for Dean was something of a different pleasure. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it until he had it again. Dean would come in, just as the toast popped, a grin on his face, dripping water all over the hardwood floors.

He’d sit his bare ass down on the kitchen stool and chew his toast with his mouth open while Sam poured him coffee wearing bitch face number ten. Dean would give a pleased grin when he saw Sam’s face but there was not much talking before they’d gotten some coffee in them.

“Lunch, Sam.”

He looked up to see his brother approaching with a tray. He had on a pair of sweats but was shirtless and bare foot. A gun holster was still strapped to his thigh and for some reason, it wasn’t incongruous at all. Dean set a tray of burgers and fries in front of Sam’s daybed, with side of salad in the same motion as he withdrew his gun and turned.

He hit the giant dragon bird that had been swooping down straight in the heart and the thing imploded, disappearing into a black hole which closed up behind it. Dean twirled his weapon and holstered it before grinning at Sam.

“That was a big one.”

“Yeah, and did you see the fire it was trying to breath?” Dean shook his head, still grinning.

“You let it get close.”

Dean shrugged. “I had it. Saw it in my peripheral vision.”

Sam leaned forward, scooping up a French fry and dipping it in Dean’s home made sauce before putting it on his tongue and savoring the taste.

Like deep fried crack.

The thought didn’t come with a pang. Ruby was too many years behind him. He wasn’t that guy anymore. Just to make sure, he looked up at a still grinning Dean and smiled. “Where’s your plate?”

Dean sat down at the foot of Sam’s day bed and shrugged. “I wasn’t hungry. Had a heavy breakfast.” He patted his stomach and smiled at Sam.

This morning Sam had decided to make a short stack of pancakes and a plate of bacon for Dean. He’d been too distracted, watching him eat to eat much himself. He guessed that’s why he was hungry and Dean was full.

His brother reached down and picked up the book that Sam’d thrown down. “What’s this?”

“The Knights of the Round Table…you remember you used to read it to me?”

Dean nodded, looking uncharacteristically pensive. The Dean in heaven tended to grin a lot more than he had on earth. “I remember you telling me about it, when you were going through the trials.” He bit his lip, “Sammy, I mean you know-”

“I know. I know Dean. I promise.” He smiled at his brother, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “I know.” He whispered.

Dean looked down at the book, reading the cover. “Roger Lancelyn Green. Hmm, hey maybe you should check if he’s here.”

Sam cocked an eyebrow. “Here?”

“Yeah, like in heaven. Y’all can geek out together on book writing or whatever. Knights.”

Sam straightened. “Hey, that’s actually a great idea.”

“Well don’t sound so surprised. I have them occasionally.”

“But…I don’t wanna bother him.”

Dean dropped the book in his lap. “Hey, if anyone can write a polite note asking to geek out over something, it’s you.”

Sam threw the book at him. “You’re an idiot.”

Dean grinned. “You love it.”

 

Chapter three

Dean was out on a boat, in colorful shorts, slippers and a vest, fishing. Sam watched him from the verandah, smiling indulgently as he’d found himself doing a lot lately. He reached out and his laptop was in his hands. Putting it on the table in front of him, he googled Roger Lancelyn Green.

Thank you, Jack.

For a moment he felt a pang, missing his first son who he hadn’t seen since he’d disappeared after Chuck was vanquished. He’d felt him though, now and then, through the years, when getting through the night was particularly rough; when he’d wanted to just give up and give in, eat a bullet. Even with his second son to love and raise, living had sometimes been such a chore.

He bent forward, reading about the author. According to heavenly google, he was currently traveling through his stories, living them in real time and talking with his characters.

“That sounds like a good time if they don’t decide to run you through with a sword.” Sam murmured to himself.

“Who run you through with sword?”

He jumped, looking up to see Dean leaning over him. “Shit man, where’d you come from?”

Dean smirked, pointing at the sea. He held up his hand where he had two large fish dangling. “Caught us some supper and I think I saw the lochness monster.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, it was kind of circling the boat but then it just disappeared.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “We going hunting?”

Dean bit his bottom lip, thinking. “Nah. I mean he wasn’t hurting anyone.”

“Yet.”

Dean nodded. “Yet.”

“Okay cool.”

“So what are you doing that’s gonna run you through with swords.”

The ‘over my dead body’ was implied in the set of his shoulders.

“Um, well I looked up Roger Green.” Sam turned the laptop so that Dean could see.

“Huh…”

“Yeah.”

Dean looked at him, “So I guess you wanna go off and join him.”

“No…I mean…” Sam shrugged.

Dean smiled. “You can go if you want.”

“I thought we were just gonna talk to him.”

“Yeah,” Dean shrugged, “But I won’t stop you if…”

Sam grinned. “Yeah, not going.”

“But you can if you want.”

“I know.”

Somehow they were in a staring contest and Sam wasn’t gonna blink first. His eyes began to water but still, he refused to blink until Dean did.

They both blinked at the same time.

“Why even do our eyes get watery. Aren’t we like, spirits?” Dean asked.

Sam quirked an eyebrow at the non sequitur. “Yeah well…why do we get hungry? Why do we sleep? I guess it really is mind over matter.”

Dean laughed. “And now you’re about to go down that rabbit hole ain’t ya?”

Sam shrugged one-shouldered, “Eh, maybe later. I’m actually gonna see if I can get in touch with Roger Green. I’m actually curious about why he would chose to have his heaven populated by his characters.”

“Dude. King George and the knights of the round table. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with those guys?”

Sam smirked at him. “Sooo…you wanna go check it out?”

Dean gave him a look. “Rude. You can’t just go barging into people’s heavens Sam.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s why I’m sending an email first.”

“Yeah? And what’s he gonna do? Refuse?”

“Yeah I mean…if he wants to.”

“Or we could you know, just like…spy on him.” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

“Dude no.”

“Dude yes!”

“How even would we do that?”

“Isn’t that the fun part for you college boy? Figure it out. I’m gonna go gut these fishes.”

 

Chapter Four

Sam finally gave in and called Ash. If they were gonna set up some sort of spyware, there was probably no one he knew who could help.

I wonder if there are many spies in heaven. After all, they have to do some questionable shit.

Sam shook his head. He and Dean had also done a lot of questionable shit and here they were. While he waited for Ash to get back to him he decided to google spies. His jaw dropped open when his eyes happened upon one name.

“Dean!” he shouted.

He could hear the clatter of running footsteps and then Dean was skidding into the living room, gun in hand. “What’s happening?”

Sam gestured to him, “Come and see this!”

Dean glared at him. “You were screaming at me to come see something on your laptop? Really?”

Sam waved that away. “Come here!”

Dean sighed in a very put upon way and shuffled over to bend down and peer at the screen. “Delphine Seydoux?”

“Yeah! Remember her? From that time with the boat and the Nazis?”

“Yeah, when Lucifer almost killed you in Cas’ body. I remember.”

Sam gestured to the screen excitedly.

“So…what? Delphine is around?”

“Yeah.”

“And you were looking for her because…?”

“I was googling spies,” Sam murmured, blushing a little.

Dean gave him a sidelong glance before shaking his head. “I’m not even gonna ask. But just so you’re prepared, probably none of your serial killers made it up here.”

Sam hit him on the arm. “I know that, Jerk.”

“But you were still thinking about googling weren’t you?”

Sam glared at him. “Anyway, I’m not making much headway with the whole spy on Roger thing. So I emailed him, just to see if he would answer.”

“Did he?”

“Not yet.”

“Hence why you’re googling spies and serial killers?”

“I didn’t google serial killers!”

“Mmm hmm.” Dean straightened up, holstering his weapon and walking away. “I’m gonna go outside. Saw something animal like in the garden.”

“Is it a hunt?”

“I don’t know yet.” Dean opened the screen and went outside. Sam watched him a bit, anxious even though Dean couldn’t really be hurt on one of his dream hunts. Yesterday they’d spent the afternoon letting zombies chase them all over the beach before Dean cut off their heads. It was like a very slow game of tag; not that they’d played tag much when they were kids. Sam thought he much preferred the zombie version. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much.

“Sam!”

It was his turn to scramble out of his chair and go running. He skidded to a stop when he saw Dean, a golden retriever in his arms and the biggest grin on his face. “Look who showed up.”

Miracle looked up, his mouth open, teeth on display as if he was grinning at Sam. “Hey there.” Sam felt a pang as he met Miracle’s eyes, the early days of grief coming back to him in vivid detail. The despair. The debilitating black hole of sadness he’d been living in. He didn’t think he’d have survived those months without miracle to take care of.

“Hey buddy. How are you?” he reached out and scratched the dog under his chin. “Long time no see.”

Miracle licked his hand as if he understood exactly what Sam was feeling.

His eyes shifted and he met Dean’s, smile faltering slightly at the understanding he found there. His brother reached out and pulled him in, enveloping him in that essence of his love and allowing Sam to just sink into it as they squashed the dog between them.

Miracle barked in annoyance and they both burst out laughing.

 

Chapter Five

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah you are.”

Sam threw a sock at Dean. Dean dodged it, grinning widely.

“Why have you finally realized you’re an idiot?”

“I’ve been acting like we’re back on earth. Like I have to physically hack into this guy’s feed.”

“And you really don’t?”

“No, I don’t. All this crap around us, it manifests because we want it to.”

Dean looked around, nodding. “True. True.”

“Which, side-note, I have to say that I am blown away by your imagination when it comes to finding new creatures and ways to kill them. Like…dude.” Sam shook his head.

Dean grinned. “Thanks. I think I’d have made an excellent writer.”

“Ha! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“You’re just jealous my imagination is better than yours.”

“Sure Dean.” Sam smirked. “Anyway, so I tried something. You wanna see or not?”

Dean came around to stare down at Sam’s laptop. “Sure.”

“So what I did was, I envisioned an app; kind of like Find My Friend that iPhone used to have?”

“Uh huh?”

“Yeah so then I downloaded it and…typed in Roger Lancelyn Green.”

“And, lemme guess; you found him?”

“Yes! I did. So then, I asked to friend him so that we could talk and he responded.”

“What?”

“Yeah.”

Sam hit a few more buttons and the screen came to life. A bespectacled bald gentleman came onscreen, his face serious, sitting on a bench in front of a wall of books. He smiled when he saw Sam. “Hello there again.” He called.

“Hey Mr. Green. This is my brother, Dean.”

“I said you can call me Roger.”

“Yeah.” Sam squirmed a bit in his seat, like he did when he was particularly excited. “Roger. This is Dean.”

Dean waved. “Hello.”

Roger waved again.

Sam was blushing as Dean watched him with a cocked eyebrow. “My brother used to read me your stories and uh…I just uh…I wanted to say thanks, y’know?”

Roger smiled. “You’re very welcome. Would you like me to read to you? Although I have to warn you, my characters might decide to drop by as I read their parts.”

Sam kind of skipped in his chair. “Yes please, sir.”

Dean snorted, shaking his head and moved away. He didn’t go very far, just enough to be out of the frame. He took a seat on a stool that appeared, at an angle that helped him to see the screen while not being seen. He looked from Sam to the screen as Roger read the story, hearing the clash of iron on iron as everyone from King Arthur to Lancelot showed up. The sounds of lovemaking as Guinevere and Lancelot made love.

“Ask him how come he doesn’t mind that they’re doing it right in front of him.” he hissed at Sam.

Sam turned to give him a side eye. “Ask him yourself. Why are you hiding over there?”

“I’m not hiding.”

Sam rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen.

“Yo! Sam! Ask him!” Dean hissed.

Sam sent him the middle finger and leaned forward, blocking his view.

Dean pushed his stool closer, pushing at Sam to move. The knights were sitting around the round table and Sam barely noticed as Dean moved him. They watched together as the story came to an end and Roger looked up. “That’s the end of that tale. Maybe I can tell you another one, some other time.”

“Yes please.” Sam said at once. His voice was unusually high. Dean turned to look at him and saw that Sam was no longer an adult but a four year old boy.

“Sam!” he croaked with fear and realized his voice was also quite high. He looked down at his eight year old self in horror. Sam turned to smile at him.

“Dean!” he leaned forward and put his head on Dean’s chest. Dean automatically wrapped his small arms around Sam. “Read me another story.”

Dean looked helplessly at the screen where Roger was still smiling softly at them. “Shall I tell you about how King George fought and vanquished the dragon?”

“Yes please,” Four Year Old Sam said, folding himself even more snuggly against Dean and sucking his thumb.

Roger began to read.

Leaning his cheek against Sam’s soft hair, Dean settled back in the sofa that had appeared beneath them, and listened to the story.

 

Epilogue

Dean woke up, still wrapped around Sam, but fully grown again. The sofa beneath them seemed to have stretched enough to accommodate their six foot plus frames. Sam stretched, wiggling and mumbling as he struggled awake.

Dean watched fondly as he finally opened his eyes, rubbing them as if he was still four.

“So…that was weird, huh?”

Sam blinked at him and then smiled. “Roger Green read us a bedtime story.”

“Yeah. I guess he did.”

Sam sobered. “Was that the first time anyone ever read to you?”

Dean looked away. “Course not. Mom used to read to me all the time.”

Sam just stared at him.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re feeling sorry for me.”

Sam didn’t bother to deny it. Just blinked once and looked away. He stretched, his long frame curiously clad in the same pajamas as his four year old self. He got to his feet. “I’m gonna go cook you breakfast. What do you want? Pancakes?”

“Pig in a poke?”

Sam glared at him.

“Too soon?”

“Always.”

“Alright, I’ll have toast, bacon and Lucky Charms.”

Sam smiled. “Coming right up.”

He walked away and then stopped, came back and kissed Dean on the cheek, before pulling back and looking him in the eye. “I love you, Dean.”

Dean watched him walk away. Once Sam disappeared around the wall to the kitchen he looked back down and smiled. “Love you too, Sam.”

Aftermath.

 I can't believe I'm just sitting here not functioning, a lump in my throat...over a tv show.

Season 14: An Overview

Just reading my last post and laughing because at last, season 14 has switched it up. Not a single 'caught a case' has been uttered all season.
When season 14 began, okay first episode, wow, Sammy is tall when he's not standing next to Dean. Like whoa dude, calm down.

He literally brushes the ceiling or the doorway every time he was framed in one. It was super hot. Giant Sam Winchester is the shit. I see why Jared says he can't get into action movies because he towers over everyone. All the major action stars apart from the Rock and Chris Hemsworth are quite short. Like everyone around him looked like a midget, even Bobby who is quite tall.
That reminds of 'clowns or midgets?'
Sam's fears are funny.

Anyways, so the next episode was kind of super boring because ensemble cast. Like, the attempt is not working. It's boring when they try to make the story about other people. I do not - and I cannot emphasize this enough - give a flying fuck about Lucifer/Nick's story. Like bye felicia.
The only thing that saved it was the five minutes Dean was on screen. Otherwise so dismissed. Done. Cancelled. Mark Pedowitz is right, Supernatural is Sam and Dean. Let's not mess with that formula.
After that, well, things picked up quite a bit, maybe because Dean came home, maybe because it was just good. I loved all the stories. Kaia, the new and improved monsters, the halloween episode, even the one with the necromancer although I felt like the Sam and Charlie's storyline was tacked on at the end for some reason. And that human fly was the struggle. It was like they had different budgets for that part.

Also Sam and Dean or should I say Jared and Jensen are looking quite goodT these season. All rested and ready, and handsome as fuck. It's...enjoyable. Between season 10 and 12 I might have felt like we were holding them hostage in their jobs but now they seem quite content. Probably because they have more time off what with the attempt at an ensemble cast. So I'm gonna suck it up because...

I never expected to care about the return of John Winchester given that Jeffrey Dean moved way down my list of favorite people after his whole 'blue lives matter' schtick. But I am weirdly excited and I can separate John from Jeffrey. Also it helps that John is not exactly lovable. The poster for the three hundreth episode had me hyperventilating.
All in all, I am giving this season a straight up enjoyable grade.

A Letter to Andrew Dabb

There are certain things about supernatural that are for lack of a better word, annoying. Long time ago, in season one, two and three, actually four and five also; the first two minutes of the show weren't always the same. In fact, add six, seven, eight and nine to that tally. Somewhere around season ten, they started doing the same thing over and over which gets kind of monotonous. Dean wakes up in the morning, goes to the kitchen/library where Sam is sitting in front of his laptop. Then Sam says, "Caught a case."

He explains the case to Dean, Dean says but what about *insert big bad here* and Sam says "We'll catch a break but meanwhile let's keep moving, keep swinging..."
He doesn't even sound like he believes it anymore.
So then Dean says "Okay" and the scene cuts to the Impala speeding along the highway.
Interspersed of course with the MOTW characters getting killed.
Sigh.

I miss the days when every episode was different and they didn't have to tell each other to "keep moving, keep swinging," every episode. I miss when their roadside talks were really emotional and personal and gave insight into something. These days they just sound like platitudes. Are we pandering to somebody? Can we go back to storytelling?
I feel like we're losing the vision of what makes Supernatural great. We're losing the spark, sacrificed at the altar of fan service or whatever.
Can we please all remember who we are and what this show is about? Once the focus is lost, we will not last very long. 

Advanced Thanatology

Supernatural has something against shrinks and mental health institutions don't you think? This is the THIRD episode where bad things happen in one. There was Sam Interrupted, with wotisname and the wraith, then there was the Asylum where Sam went crazy and wanted to shoot Dean and now, this episode. I mean, I don't disagree. Asylums seem like miserable places and I guess the subliminal message might be 'just because I see things doesn't mean I'm crazy' right? But are they also maybe fostering stigma? I don't know.

Secondly, why is it that there is always some dumb kid wanting to get themselves killed by going into some haunted house at night? Like what is wrong with you white people? Have you not the sense Chuck gave you? there are easier ways to commit suicide.

Now, to episode specifics.
I thought Sam Winchester reading reviews for a strip club was just about the most hilarious thing to happen in this episode. I can just see him googling strip clubs, going to tripadvisor and clicking on reviews and deciding which is the best one to send Dean to...So OCD and methodical. This is the Plan to Make Dean Happy Again (aside: as if he ever was):
1. Let him eat whatever he wants.
2. Distract him with hunting.
3. Strippers and Burritos.
4. Keep Jack out of sight.
Sam doing his best to 'take care of' his big brother. So sweet. Also typical that he's failing miserably and Dean is just letting him think that it might work.
I saw on twitter someone correcting the writer of the episode that 'last Christmas' Sam and Dean were locked up by the Gitmo guys. But Dean didn't say I bought you a stripper 'last' Christmas. He just said it was Christmas. Much more likely it was season 11. They seemed a bit more carefree in the latter half of that season even with the darkness on their ass. However, I think they were dealing with the cage during that Christmas break soo...season 10? Maybe they celebrated the holiday after the got out?
Anyways, I am calling that scene my 'supercute Winchesters' moment of the episode.

Billie!

I just luh her. She has the most honey trickling over gravel voice I've ever heard. Also, she has the best lines. That whole, 'this universe can be poetic' thing, first of all, made me want to stand up and just give a standing ovation. It wasn't just the words, it was the delivery, the scene setting, her make up emphasizing her lips with every word. It was all so ominous and 'Dean is so screwed' ish. You could see by Dean's face that he figured he was screwed too.

Pet Peeve: supernatural fandom is exhausting and/or full of crazies. My Tumblr feed last week was FILLED with complaints about how "overlooked" Dean is. This week I see that the complaint is that this is the "Dean show" and "What about Sam?" 

Sigh.

So apparently the peanut gallery of #spnfamily was not happy that Dean got to tell the new Death all of his innermost feelings. 

"Why we gotta hear about Dean's angst?"

"Why is this the Dean show" and other subjective nonsense. Never mind that the whole scene was aimed at driving the plot forward. Oh no. Who cares about things like plot points and storylines? 

Anyways.

So Dean is super depressed and suicidal. Do we think Sam knows that? I think that he does. Sam notices everything about Dean; unlike Dean, he doesn't say so. He just acts according to his conclusions. And feeding Dean beer for breakfast and letting him be hungover and debauched just put me in mind of season 3, Sam, bending over backward for his brother who had sold his soul for him. Only this time it was more like 'if this is what it takes for you to remember who you are...'

Excited to see if Billie will be back.

Speaking of the rift, I wonder when Mary and Lucifer and the new Michael are going to make a reappearance...

Lastly and definitely least, Castiel is back. People are very excited about that. I really couldn't care less. Only because Destiel fans are always trying to twist things. They take all the enjoyment out of watching Cas. It's too bad because I get why they need him. but now it's just like, whatever man. Take your fans.

Brother Dynamics

Why is Dean so against Jack? I mean, apart from his parentage, Jack hasn't really done anything to earn Dean's ire.
So what is it?

I think Dean is trying to learn his lesson finally. He's trying to do what Sam wanted him to do at the beginning of season 11 and change the way they operate. I don't think he's on the "You and me we can get through anything" bandwagon anymore. Not because he doesn't believe but because maybe he thinks that the price they pay is sometimes too high.
They have lost a civilian (Kelly) Cas, their mother, and Crowley in an effort to get rid of Lucifer. Maybe it doesn't seem like the victory is worth the price.
But it's not just that.

The last time he took somebody at face value and let them in, Gadreel ended up using Sam's body to kill Kevin. And that must be forefront in his mind right now as is Sam himself. His father told him that Sam would go bad, that he'd have to kill him. But he resisted that notion. He spent so much time denying it and trying to prevent it, he probably blames himself for failing. For Sam opening the door and letting Lucifer out. And now look where they are...Maybe he's thinking he might have done things differently. Maybe if he had said yes, Lucifer would be dead.
But then again, so would Sam.
It's a conundrum enough to put anyone in a bad mood.
So maybe he's retreated to his most basic state: What Would John Winchester Do?
And maybe he's relying on Sam to make sure that he doesn't have to kill Jack while trying to remain detached enough to make sure he can do it if that's what it comes down to.

A Celebration of Teenwolf

At the end of that movie I think it was called Seven with Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins, the Native American dude is describing how Brad Pitt's character died in a fight with a bear.
"It was a good death," he said.
For some reason that phrase has stayed with me, and I got to say it for Teenwolf.
"It was a good end."

"You're not a monster, you're a werewolf, like me."

Didn't your heart just melt into tiny puddles of love and nostalgia when he said that? I mean...that phrase is like the essence of Teenwolf no? You can't help what your outside does, what you look like, what you are, but you can choose who to be.
And with so many actual monsters disguised as people in the world today, the whole series was such a refreshing take on personal integrity and growth and what it means to have an internal compass all of your own which you follow regardless of what everyone else is doing. *puts hand on heart* Bless.
This was the most satisfying series finale I have ever watched. It didn't leave me dissatisfied or distressed, nobody even died. That was a first I think. There were no cop-outs. I hate cop-outs. Most series finales are cop-outs.
Yay Jeff Davis - you did an exemplary job.
What were the highlights you ask?
Well for me the whole thing was a highlight.
The things that made my heart skip a beat was.
1. VOID STYLES.
I repeat.
Void Styles made an appearance.

I mean...
And then we got to learn what Scott is most afraid of.
Of course, it was the nogitsune! It took not one but two of Scott's friends. It almost killed Stiles and it sure did kill Alison. Of course, he felt like he let his friends down. He is a huge believer in saving EVERYBODY. I bet he'd even try to save Gerard if he thought he could.
Speaking of Gerard, body or he's not dead. Same thing with that daughter of his. Talk about two people who just won't die.
2. Derek Hale
More like my knees were weak and I sighed like an eighteenth-century English Rose. because gat damn! That man was born to be a werewolf and bare his teeth and fight. Just damn. Also, the shape of his head is not even like, human. He is a Work. of. Art.

One thing that was kind of disappointing was the distance between #stydia.  It wasn't even the lack of a kiss as I saw people on twitter complaining about. It was the lack of closeness. I mean they managed to convey that closeness through six seasons of maybe (two?) kisses? But I get it. Dylan O'Brien's been away, he underwent a life-changing accident. He's not the same person and probably hasn't found his new rhythm yet. His new normal. His new, who am I now? So yeah, that discombitude is perceivable through the screen. I hope he keeps his friends close to help him through this.
It's been...how long? Eight years of loyalty to this series. It's taught me much - especially about obscure supernatural creatures, threefold death, what the Wild Hunt really is and other things I just might never have known. Forever grateful. Forever in my heart.
Goodbye Teenwolf.
Till we meet again.
Also maybe Jeff Davis would consider joining the Supernatural writers' room and doing the season's Big Bad. It would be interesting to see what happens.
Also the ending set up a movie perfectly so I hope y'all is looking into that.

Bloody Messiah, Music Video

Vault: Item 42 from Shaving People Punting Things on Vimeo.

So if this was on +Vevo how long do you think it'd take to get certified?
I think this is what Fader meant when they said that the +GRAMMYs have it all wrong when it comes to classifying music.
There is the music of +Empire which is just so very underrated in terms of recognition. Boom Boom Boom Boom, Bang Bang Bang Bang should have received some sort of nomination for something surely. American Music Awards? Whatever.
And this too; the song and the video are epic. And just because it was made for a TV series doesn't mean it's not good music. The Grammys do really need to expand their criteria.
Anyway, meanwhile.
Enjoy.

Teen Wolf vs. Supernatural

Bromance:

vs. 

I'm gonna say +Jensen Ackles and +Jared Padalecki win this one simply because in terms of depth and longevity, nobody can touch them. +Tyler Posey and +Dylan O'Brien as Scott and Stiles are like Season one Sam and Dean. They have a ways to go but they're getting there.

Hellhound

vs.

I think we can all agree that Sheriff Parish wins this one HANDS DOWN. Talk about dramatic! and Hawt. Damn.And the BUILD UP...

Nazi Douchebags

vs. 

Teenwolf also takes this one IMHO. A guy who is apparently boiled for like three seasons wins over the fake give blood, resurrect Hitler isht that was peddled in Supernatural. Also hot damn Mr. Nazi with the Aryan hairstyle! Also "Hitler's" German accent in Supernatural was just the struggle. And their execution was just sloppy. Sorry, Teenwolf for the win hands down.

Hunters

vs.

Sam and Dean vs. Chris Argent and his crew....hmm.We gotta break this one down further.
Okay first there are the Winchesters and then there are other hunters on Supernatural. We can all agree that they are depicted as backwoods, flannel wearing, shoot first, ask questions later, hicks.
While Chris and his crew are portrayed as ruthless, efficient, leather jacket wearing, super organised, they have a motto, the women choose the kills, impressive arsenal, tend to know exactly what they are doing, cool kids.
Who wins?
I guess if we're talking JUST Sam and Dean for Supernatural they are the clear winners because they beat everyone including Lucifer while the Argent clan of hunters has been DECIMATED.
Kitsune

vs.

I mean...

Is it even a competition?

Music

When it comes to music I think there's a tie. Supernatural introduced me to music I might otherwise never have know about. Someone say 'Beautiful Loser' (Can I get an Amen?).
Teenwolf on the other hand also features music that is not very common; some really good beats. and they tell you what the song is called and the source of the music.

Character Development
Season one Scott McCall is definitely not Season six Scott McCall. He's definitely grown and developed and prospered. Season twelve Dean still has some aspects of Season one Dean, but he's grown too. Mostly I think he's more confident in his abilities and has a more balanced view of who his father is. Sam is like a completely different person but Stiles is like...the same.
Surprises

When it comes to dealing with lore and the monsters that they feature they do tend to throw you a curve ball when you were expecting this to happen and instead something completely different happens.
That's the basis of a good story. It surprises the reader and delights them or horrifies them. Whatever it does, emotion is evoked.
In this sense, the shows are a tie.
That's why I love them both so much.

Season 12, 1 and 2

So the new season of Supernatural started with that classic thing that they've done for most seasons where 'hey, Sam and Dean are not together and they're finding their way back'...and then we get a hug.
Except they forgot the hug.
Or they couldn't find an opportunity to hug.
That actually given the storyline seems like the most likely explanation. They maybe couldn't work it in so it looks natural. And I guess if we're factoring in the fact that they parted maybe a day or two before they were reunited, or was it two weeks?

How long was Sam in captivity?
Anyway, point is, it wasn't a year or four months or a year and a half or how long it usually is. It was 'days' in supernatural world time.
Of course for us it was four or five months and we bloody well wanted that hug.

In lieu of a hug though Andrew Dabb, if that's not possible, is some super super closeness.
Thanks.

I'm really loving the return of season 1-4 Sam fucking Winchester. I swear when he pretended to cut his throat and then was fighting Toni Bevel on the stairs....
DAaammmmnnnn.
I needed a minute.
Fuck.

Wild Animal!Sam needs his own community.
I don't know what's going on with Dean though. First of all, Everyone's beating his ass. Is it the bomb he was carrying? Did it weaken him? Or is he just tired, or in shock? Something's going on with Dean Winchester and I wanna know what.
Or, I don't know, bring my badass Dean back.
The power struggle that's gonna happen between Mary and Dean Winchester is something I am looking forward to. Dean is used to being the mommy, and here comes their real mommy. Alive and well and ready to be mama. Where does that leave Dean? He's not used to being looked after. And he's used to telling everyone what to do.
He's already been unable to tell Mary what to do so much so that he actually asked Cas for help.
Dude.
Cas.
or is it Cass?
The things people choose to argue about really bore me.
This season better address the fact that Sam has no Key of Solomon on his chest. Whatever is happening there needs to be rectified, IMMEDIATELY.
Why borrow trouble when you don't need to?
Get it done Sam.
Dean.
They have to get their mother a tattoo anyway; Sam can get one too.
Anyway, I'm still very excited for this season; enjoying myself thoroughly and refusing to buy into the negativity.

Is Dean Winchester Even Human?

Yeesss, I know you think I mean in the 'oh my God, he's so unbelievably hot' way but I don't. See I'm on season four of my pre-new-season-rewatch and Dean just resurrected. His old body, like he said, would look like a 'thriller video reject' so...
That means Castiel constructed a whole new body for him.
Right?
So if his body was reconstructed, is it even human anymore. Is he even Dean or is he Dean 2.0?

Dean Winchester hasn't really died since season four if you think about it. Sure there was that time he went to purgatory...and survived a whole year there. A whole year in purgatory. For a human? How likely does it seem? And sure end of season nine he 'died' but he really didn't. He just converted to a demon. And then Sam cured him.
So two times, his body got a redo.
Could that be why Amara couldn't eat his soul? Well his soul was still Dean (original version) it was just his body which was Dean 3.0?
Going back to season 4 for a minute; when Meg was telling Dean about her sister who died, who got lost because Meg was dead...it's like foreshadowing. Or a warning. Or just 'here's basically the plot for this season if only you knew.'

I saw something on Twitter last week that blew my mind. Jared and Jensen are on the EW cover right? Really cute pics were taken all around. Now some crazy person badly photoshopped a picture of Misha into the shot; I think he was supposed to cover just Jared but ended up just looking like it was floating above them like a huge red flag of embarrassment and psychosis. This wasn't all. Someone else had photoshopped Misha's face onto Jared's in their Easter pic when they went fishing....
I mean...how crazy exactly are you people?

What the Hell is QueerBaiting?

I'm not homophobic; in fact my brother went crazy on me one time because according to him, this live and let live attitude of mine was gonna make my son gay. And how would that make me feel.
The fact that I was like "pshh" was probably not the response he was waiting on. He's not a bad person; just operating from a place of fear.
That said.
Twitter is full of some crazy homos.
Yesterday there was a hashtag TRENDING WORLDWIDE about #JKRowlingIsOverParty. So I click on the link because JK is one of my all time favorites and I find that the issue is the fact that JK said Sirius isn't gay. Like people were legit incensed because Sirius Black is a straight man and JK said so.
Let's just pause for a moment and let that sink in.
I mean, if it was the other way around? If people were upset because a certain character was said to be gay? The outcry.
The scandal it would have caused.
The allegations of homophobia!
But what? Gay people are allowed to bully others because a character is straight?
Reminded me of the great #DeanWinchesterIsGay debate of 20everyseason. Never mind how many times he himself has said he doesn't swing that way...
NO!
Dean Winchester has to be gay or we won't watch!
I personally would prefer it so much more if you didn't watch. Just toddle off and try to ruin another show.

So I was practically pushed into watching +Stranger Things by twitter,  +Jensen Ackles and +Jared Padalecki. I mean +BuzzFeed had a whole thread about how it changes your life and seriously this is the first series Jared has ever mentioned watching. And Jensen all like Danneel can't watch it unless I'm there....
After watching it I'm thinking Danneel was just trying to make her husband feel all manly and useful because seriously; not even a little bit scary, life changing or particularly mind blowing. I like Eleven; she brought the zuzgh to the series; but for some reason I kept expecting ET to show up. I'm old enough to have seen that when it came out, and whoever designed that universe definitely had that movie in mind. It's the last time I get peer pressured into watching anything though. I'm relying on myself from now on.

So I'm watching season two right? Crossroad Blues. And they're parked outside Lloyd's bar walking along the crossroad and Dean notices the flowers growing there. And HE stops and says "hey aren't those yarrow?" 

And they have this whole discussion about how Yarrow is used in rituals, especially summoning rituals.

Flashforward to season ten, 'About a Boy' when Sam finds yarrow behind the dumpster and he's all like 'Oh look, yarrow'...and Dean acts like he doesn't know what yarrow is or what it's used for...

Is it a continuity error?

Did Dean's memory get wiped when he became a demon?

Or is it his whole 'let Sam think he's the brains of this operation' thing that he has going on?

Thoughts?

Sam Fucking Winchester

I have come to realise through interactions on social media that Sam is quite the polarising character. I think that's mostly because people view +Jared Padalecki as this cuddly giant bear/baby known as Moose; and then there's Sam. And people tend to character bleed them into each other.
Sam is a bit of a sociopathic, amoral, borderline psychopathic blood addict. An honest description of him depicts a rather self centred, asshole who plays fast and loose with everyone who loves him especially his brother. It's a testament to brilliant writing and acting that even if all these things are true, we (the fans) still like Sam. The problem comes in when someone tries to deny that Sam is all these things by creating excuses for his behaviour. Like...he only got addicted to demon blood because yada yada yada.
I'll tell you why Sam got addicted to demon blood. It was because his moral compass was not around. See, on his own, Sam is a hot mess. But when he has Dean, he has a lightning rod on which to neutralise all his crazy and make him into the best version of himself. And the best version of himself is an extremely brave compassionate individual ready to go to the most extreme extremes for the people (person) he loves. He would really absolutely do anything for his brother. Anything.
But when he and his brother are separated and he is left to make his own choices; he tends to choose wrong. like100 % of the time.That's the level of their codependency.
When Dean is separated from Sam though, even though it is made to seem like he's the gung ho hunter and Sam is the reluctant one...well; Dean stops hunting when he Sam is dead/in hell. The first time Sam died, Dean was like fuck you Bobby, I'm out. The second time Sam died, Dean shacked up with Lisa. It's a weird thing considering the impression was that Sam was only hunting for Dean's sake. While I think Dean hunts so that he can keep Sam with him. Primarily.
Just watching Season 8 again, and thinking about the fact that Sam knows that Dean would never let him go. Would never let him die.
First of all, let me address something I read on tumblr about Sam 'justifying' his not looking for Dean because he lost his mind when Dean disappeared. I mean, of course he did. He had completely done this thing where he leans on Dean ever since he got his soul back. Like completely, holding nothing back. And then suddenly Dean's gone. Just. Like. That.
It wasn't hunter heroici which justified Sam. It was him offering to be the 'blood sacrifice' to close the gates of hell. It was him biting that bullet because he let Dean down and he knew it. It was him refusing to not die because he didn't want Dean to say, "You let me down again."
But here's the kicker.
Sam knows Dean.
He knows Dean would never just let him die. Just let him go. He knows that. That's why he asked him in Red Meat what he did when he thought Sam was dead. So knowing that; and having Dean tell him, if you do this you'll die. And him saying, "So?"
Well...
He knew that even if he went through with it, Dean would walk into hell if he had to to get him back. He would do whatever it took, to keep his brother. He knew this.
So what was that?
Mind games?
Sam being Sam?
Whatever it was; Sam knew it wasn't the end. And he got Dean to admit that he was the most important person in Dean's life.
win/win.
People complain that all these things make Sam look bad or whatever. But that's why we watch. We watch because this codependent, twisted up thing the brothers have fascinates all of us. That is the crux of the show. That's why we're all here. Because even with how super crazy they both are, they still manage to have this unconditional love for each other that just keeps surviving all of this...everything. If they were both vanilla little one dimensional politically correct black and white salvatorish brothers, we'd have stopped watching long ago.
So why not just enjoy it while it lasts and stop getting ulcers?

Parallels

So I've been rewatching...as one is wont to do during hellatus. And every time I do this, I am struck by new things; or old things strike me differently.
So I've just finished season six and seven and I think I've been living so long under the funk of season nine that I didn't realise there was a pattern. Season 1-3, Sam and Dean are super-close. So season 4, blood drinking and demon chicks come between them. They claw their way back to a semblance of before by season five's end, and then Sam jumps in the pit and loses his soul. Back to distance which is summarily obliterated by Sam getting his soul back. Half season six and season seven, they are again tighter than tight. So what does Jeremy Carver do? He stops Sam from looking for Dean in season 8. And this time, the supernatural creature who comes between them is Dean's friend Benny.
Why didn't Dean tell Sam about Benny from the jump?
Was it because he'd come to rely on Benny the way he'd used to rely on Sam?
Benny was his new Sam. And Dean knew what a possessive bastard Sam is. So he shut up about it.
Also I don't know why anyone hasn't commented on the fact that the whole 'Amelia' thing was shot in a way depicting a dream sequence; like Sam is the unreliable narrator, remembering things more idyllic than they actually were. And the whole 'Amelia finishes his sentences thing?' I mean really, she used to interrupt him and finish the sentence how she wanted. It was totally different in a way that contrasted sharply with Dean and Sam actually saying the same thing, at the same time.
It's strange. How Supernatural does this thing where they parallel the Sam/Dean relationship to married couples. It's not even subtle. It's like direct correlations.
Except for Benny. And Crowley.
In fact Crowley said it best.
"You're lying to Sam like he's your wife. That makes me your mistress."

Watching Season 4 and 5 After Season 11

Watching season four and five after seeing season eleven is kind of a trip. You see things differently. Like the fact that Chuck (god) led the Winchesters to him. He helped them as much as he could without blowing his cover. It's weird to watch Chuck being this pseudo helpless prophet type person when he's actually moving chess pieces on the board.

It also really increased my already considerable respect for +Eric Kripke . As a writer, I know its really hard to weave things to fit so well, so seamlessly. So well that six years later, you can sort of reprise what happened in a way that fits in today's story and it still fits perfectly. That's genius.
Also for some reason, I'm not mad at Sam this time. Every single time I watch season 4, I get mad at Sam for being such an idjit. But this time, I was able to see things from his perspective. To see that he didn't think of it as betrayal. He really felt like he was carrying his weight, doing something good; plus yeah. Addiction really does turn people into dicks. Seen that live.

Also with all the fandom ambivalence toward Ruby, I was watching her with a more critical eye, wondering if Katie Cassidy might have done it better? Her acting was definitely more subdued or subtle. But not necessarily worse I guess. I don't think Katie Cassidy Ruby would have been believable as Sam's lover. They didn't have that type of chemistry between them in season three.
Dean's despair also hit me in a more immediate way. I got why he wasn't affected by hunger. He was too full of despair. It's like five years of...shit just fell on him, especially when he saw that Sam wasn't cured of his demon blood addiction.

But watching it all, knowing that they do get to a better place makes it all less depressing. I do feel that there is still a lot of story that can be told; I just am afraid that before the stories are finished, +Jared Padalecki or +Jensen Ackles might get tired. I know Jared felt like he didn't want to reach season 12 at some point because he was missing his kids. And now they're contracts cover season 13. On the one hand, I want them to do what makes them happy. On the other hand...story!

Imma pray about this.
(to Chuck or God?)
(Shut up).

Sad, Maudlin Dean Post

So I've been watching season one and two this week and I noticed something I hadn't noticed before; when Dean is poisoned by the Djinn, he goes into this world where his mother is alive...but he disappoints everyone. He's not a good brother to Sam (but Sam still loves him), he's 'a drunk' who worries his mother and his girlfriend. His father is still dead. Everyone in his dream world is depicted to be better than him. He's still the screw up of the family. Also in his mind, if it wasn't for hunting, he and Sam wouldn't have anything in common. He'd go off and get married to Jess and live the yuppy life while Dean would have a blue collar existence.
It's the fathers. The parents who never give any validation. Who are very quick to tell you exactly how many ways you fucked up. Of course in Dean's case, his mother is dead. And all he has left of her is pie. His father is quick to say; "you disobeyed my orders." He repeats instructions several times and Dean takes it as maybe his dad thinks he's stupid. While Sam had teachers, and Zanna to tell him that he could make it as a student, as something other than a hunter; Dean had none of that. He just had his father treating him like a soldier.
Daddy's little blunt instrument.
And he does his best to shield his brother from all this. He does his best to be the buffer; to be the one to tell Sam - go for it. He intervenes on Sam's behalf. So that Sam doesn't have to only know about being a 'soldier'.
The worst part is that I really feel like they brought Mary Winchester back so that they could have another Winchester to kill.
Permanently.
I don't know how Dean is going to take that.
I feel so sad for him.
It's like he's a real person.

Alpha And Omega

Massive spoilers ahead so if you don't wanna know what happened in the finale, don't read further.

It began with a preview; which was totally misleading FYI. They made us look. Ten seasons of +Supernatural led us to expect that someone (read Sam or Dean) would definitely be temporarily dying in the end. Instead, they blindsided us with a (sort of) happy ending. At least for god and Amara. And Dean. Sam? not so much. He was left thinking that his brother was still dead and plus he got himself shot.
I say got himself because he was confronted by a woman with a gun and he was all, "You won't shoot me". Six foot five guy, with known Jason Bourne fighting skills...coming toward you. Who isn't gonna shoot? Sam is a bright boy. He knew she would shoot. Was this his bid to 'commit suicide' and join his brother? I think so. Like he couldn't even sit down first? have a drink? Just boom; oh look, opportunity to die. let's take it.
Of course she didn't kill him; she probably shot him in the shoulder, or the stomach; or even if she killed him, maybe Billie gave him a pass. I don't know; Andrew Dabb will probably surprise us. Again. I'm here for it!

I was also struck by all of the parallels in this story; Amara telling Chuck that she was contented with just the two of them and was hurt that Chuck wanted more. Reminded me of  Dean being content with just his family and hunting, but Sam wanted more. And she felt rejected by her brother just like Dean felt rejected by Sam so many times. And Amara's anger and Dean's anger, all stemming from hurt. Hurt that their younger siblings don't value them as much as they value their younger siblings.
But it's all in misunderstanding and it turns out, the younger sibling is just as invested in the relationship as the older one. They needed each other just as much.

I also saw that entertainment weekly agreed with me that season eleven is the best season of Supernatural. Of course, it being Supernatural, it's hard to say best because that's a constantly shifting thing. If we're doing overarching story arc, well I'd have to say, season 1-5 has it. Most feel good season at least for me is season eight. Season nine was just.very.traumatic. Season ten was kind of all over the place; the nostalgia season. But for season eleven, every single episode brought it; whether it was about Amara, consequences of Amara's existence or MOTW. I have also loved the love fest between Sam and Dean. I imagine if Jane Bond hadn't shown up, Sam would have gone to his room to look inside his little green box and stare at pictures of Dean, and the samulet both fake and real, and was that Dean's silver ring in there? Then he'd drink himself to a stupor before coming up with a scheme to end his life or bring Dean back.

Speaking of fans...was I speaking of fans?

People are so into these two boys; invested in them as brothers, human beings, possible secret lovers that I think that if Tolpas were a real thing and someone drew the right symbols; the entire Supernatural world would manifest; angels and demons included. The problem is that there are so many conflicting beliefs about them, that it'd be hard for them to manifest in just one way. I saw fans on twitter mad as hell at 'god' for sending Dean as the bomb. Like seriously angry; as if all of this was really happening somewhere out there in an alternate universe where Dean is a member of their family. And then saying stuff like 'Oh god left the earth to the Winchesters so they can continue blaming Sam for everything that happens"....

It's so funny how many times Sam has accused Dean of confusing reality with porn? The fandom is also guilty of confusing fiction with reality. It's kind of scary sad.

Can't wait for season 12!

There's a Demon in You and You're Going To Your Safety School

I really love the way those two things are on par in the 'when bad things happen' on the Kevin Tran scale. Is that racist though? Asian kids care too much about which school they go to? I don't know. Plus it's not my problem.  I don't gotta be PC where I live.

Speaking of PC I'm kinda regretting getting involved in keeping up with fandom shenanigans. +Supernatural crazies are special. In the *rotates finger around temple* kind of way. At least I thought they were until I saw this random post on Instagram, VILIFYING +Ian Somerholder for saying #Delena could never happen because he's married in real life. Like...dude; the chick (or guy) was going on about how disrespectful he is to the fans and other shit that doesn't make any kind of sense if you're sane. It made me feel much better about #destihellers. Crazies apparently latch onto whatever TV show they attach to and start creating fantasies and being very upset with anyone who tries to introduce some reality into their world view. It's just...disconcerting to know that those types of minds exist.

I had some thoughts about the finale that I wanted to put down before the finale.
First thing, Dean killed Death. Death was supposed to 'sooner or later' reap god. Now that Death has been reaped, is there anyone else even qualified to reap god? and if there isn't, does god or +Rob Benedict still die or does he just waste away in some fugue state until the world ends? Same thing with Amara. Can she even be killed?
According to the preview, Rowena makes a bomb and Dean is the suicide bomber. So say he succeeds. Say he blasts himself into tiny liddle pieces, kills off Amara and by extension, himself.
*pause for some deeply wailing*
That means he's saved the world again, and god into the bargain. So even if...Billie the Reaper wants to toss him into the nothingness, Sam has locus standi to negotiate with god for Dean's life...which could be where season 12 could begin.
Kevin Tran's mother was Ross' Girlfriend in Friends!

Been watching #JIBCON videos of +Jensen Ackles on stage.
Sigh.
I just find that I could watch that man all day, on repeat, without getting even a little bit tired. It's not just that he's unbelievably beautiful; it's the capability equally intermingled with shyness. It's the sincerity, the sense of humour, the *I'm just an ordinary guy* mixed with the knowledge that *I'm unbelievably hot*. It's Jensen Ackles man. He draws the eye effortlessly.

It's weird that him and +Jared Padalecki are so close considering that Jared is that guy who likes to be front and centre, everyone's focus, wants to be liked. But I think the Ackles magic works on him too and he's just glad to call this guy a friend. To be part of that dynamic duo.
Not that Jared isn't a great person in his own right. Fo sho he is. And did we all see that epic hug? Jensen holding Jared's head in his hand...I literally can't.